Mulla Nasruddin was invited to Harvard.
Mulla explains World Ideologies with reference to cows. 


FEUDALISM

You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk. 


PURE SOCIALISM

You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn
with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The
government gives you as much milk as you need.


BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM

You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn
with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers.
You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the
chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the
regulations say you should need.


FASCISM

You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care
of them, and sells you the milk.


PURE COMMUNISM

You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you
all share the milk.


RUSSIAN COMMUNISM

You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government
takes all the milk.


CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM

You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you. 


DICTATORSHIP

You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you. 


PURE DEMOCRACY

You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk. 


REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY

You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets
the milk.


BUREAUCRACY

You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed
them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them.
Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk
down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for
the missing cows.


PURE ANARCHY

You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your
neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.


ANARCHO-CAPITALISM

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. 


SURREALISM

You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica
lessons.


CONSTITUTIONAL MONARCHY

You have two cows. The government lets you take care of them at your
expense and instructs you to give 1/2 of the milk obtained to your
snotty neighbors across the street who do nothing but sip tea. The
government also wants 1/2 of what's remaining for you to give them as
compensation for coming up with the idea of giving your 1/2 to your
snotty neighbors.


OLD RUSSIAN COMMUNISM

You have two sheep and we expect you to come with wool not milk. You
don't have two cows. Remember, we never make mistakes.


BRITISH POST THATCHERITE LAISSEZ-FAIRE CONSTITUTIONAL MONARCHY

You have two cows. The government says it doesn't care what you feed
them. The government shoots the cows.


FORMER STATES OF YUGOSLAVIA

You have two cows, one is a Jersey cow, the other is a Hereford. The
government declares only Herefords are allowed on your farm, the other
is forcibly moved off the farm and is last seen heading in the
direction of the abattoir.


OLD YUGOSLAVIA

At the moment you have two cows, next month it's your neighbours turn
to have the cows. But you both and your neighbour get the milk. The
cows don't like each other, you don't like your neighbour.


MILITARY COUP

The chickens shoot the cows and declare that from now on they will
produce the milk.


HIPPY COMMUNE

Everybody looks after the cows. The cows stop eating the grass and
start smoking it.


REVOLUTION

You own two cows. The cows rise up against you. Once they take over
your house they will either kill you, lock you in the barn, or attempt
to milk you.


HOLY CRUSADES

You own two cows. They head off to farmer Bob's place to kill all the
horses unless they start acting like cows.


APARTHEID

You own two cows. The government tells you to keep them in separate
fields because they are different colours. No one outside the farm
will buy your milk, Bruce Springsteen refuses to sing in your barn,
but there are some pretty ordinary cricketers willing to have a hit in
your back paddock for money.


THATCHERISM

There is only one cow, it's running the country. 


THE DISMISSAL

You own two cows. The bank decides you aren't looking after them and
kicks you off the property. The cows then elect another farmer.


UN INTERVENTION

You own two cows. You squeeze their udders too hard when you milk
them, the cows complain and other farmers come in, tell you to stop
and stand around in your yard wearing milk cartons on their heads.
Each morning you milk the cows behind the barn where the other farmers
can't see.